Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
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At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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