i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
