I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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