Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
