some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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