I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I smell stomach acid.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
