Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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