I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
