Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
