we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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