I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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