Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
