Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
