Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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