I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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