saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
