Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
