Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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