dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
