Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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