walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
