TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
