I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I cut my penus on the lid.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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