Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
