I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
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I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
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When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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