Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
