I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
