I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
