I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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