I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
