Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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