mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
