Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
