Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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