so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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