I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
