4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
