you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
