Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
