I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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