I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
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At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
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I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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