Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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