i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
