I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
