Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
