You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
we should paint friendship bongs
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