4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
