Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
