if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Your penis caused this!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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