I'm so fucking centered right now
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Randomize
