Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
