I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
