when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
