I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
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i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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