I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
