Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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