so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
