forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You smell like stripper and shame
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
