I just found puke in my bra..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
