I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Everyone says I win the strip club
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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