i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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