I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Shame - the story of my life.
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