That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
