Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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