Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
