Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
When are your genitals available?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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