Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
