We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
