smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Help. Why am I so naked?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
