i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
