census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
